worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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