I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want a musical about memes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
