I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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