His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
