So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
