Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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