ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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