apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
