Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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