I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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