shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
