did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
