Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
