I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am naked and annoyed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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