But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
