he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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