The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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