On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
