go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
