unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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