I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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