It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
