fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize