hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
