I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
