I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who died my cat blue again?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
