Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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