she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Found your dick twin last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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