he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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