careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
