You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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