I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
