His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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