he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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