I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
