So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
