my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize