Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
