i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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