Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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