OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
