How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
