Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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