he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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