Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Girls should come with a carfax report
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
