what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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