Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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