After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
