Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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