She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
