i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize