someone get that fucking seahorse.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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