i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
