as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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