there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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