I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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