what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your penis caused this!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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