So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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