god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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