we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These tits shall not be calmed
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