i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
