I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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